You Know You Live on Big Lake When…

Big Lake

You Know You Live on Big Lake When…

The greatest pleasure in life is sharing your experience with others

The book you remember the most from college is Henry David Thoreau’s Walden

Everyone asks why you are grinning

Watching TV becomes a distant memory

You feel the adrenalin rush with news of a mama grizzly and three cubs in the area

You brush your teeth outdoors

You have more beer in the fridge than water

You look into the eyes of a squirrel and it holds your gaze without moving a muscle

Your boys pee in the woods

Your life redefines “reality show”

You impress your kids with your wood splitting skills

You walk out the door and a spider web sticks to your face

A birch tree becomes your most attentive friend

You remember the joy and wonder of being a child

Crocs are your favorite shoes and sunglasses your favorite accessory

Your shed is filled with gasoline, water, propane, and toilet paper

An owl flies near your head with prey in its claws at 1:00am

You write as though the well will never run dry

Every moment is a Kodak moment

A sparrow lands on your easel as you are painting

You purchase baby wipes in bulk even though you have no kids in diapers

You worry about bears breaking into your home instead of people

You shush mice and swat flies when you go to the bathroom

Your clothes and hair smell like campfire smoke

The local grocer scrunches his face when you ask for tofu

Your tan consists of millions of freckles that have run together

The weekly visit to the laundromat is a social experiment

You have replaced hair spray with bear spray

You experience goose bumps when you hear the eerie calls of a loon

Mosquitoes are as big as birds

You prepare meals without a stove

Catching a movie has become catching frogs and dragonflies

Float planes buzz your space daily

You’re always eager to return home and enjoy your private sanctuary

Leeches, beetles, ladybugs, frogs, and stickleback fish become your pets

Any kind of weather makes a great day

The lens in which you view the world softens

The sound of birds singing becomes your favorite background noise

The favorite part of your day is skipping stones, tubing, hiking, swimming, boating,
roasting marshmallows, picking flowers, chasing butterflies, chopping wood, and
blowing bubbles

You go to bed when you want and get up when you want

A robin builds a nest above your shower

Your greatest source of inspiration and entertainment is watching the ripples in the water

You sit on the dock and watch the waves go by

You witness a bird return to life after it crashes into a window

You swing in the afternoon sun, eating peanuts tossing the shells into the lake

You enjoy watching the grass grow and fish jumping out of the water

Nature inspires the best version of you

You pause each evening to watch the most amazing sunsets

The sweetest words you hear are, “hey Mom look” and “I love you”

Your neighbors are three chickens, one duck, and a Rottweiler named Tiny

You feel like a newlywed after twenty years of marriage

Your favorite question becomes “do birds have belly buttons?”

Your heater is a Toyo

You boil water to wash dishes

It takes ten minutes to clean your entire house

It’s okay to sweat, be seen without makeup, break a nail, and get dirt between your toes

Your biggest concern is hoping this life will last forever

You go to bed when most people are just waking up

You are happier than you’ve ever been in your entire life

Your key chain floats

You sit by the fire listening to Norah Jones and watch the loons swim by

You misplace your makeup bag

Four hundred square feet feels like four thousand square feet

You wear clothes several times before they land in the laundry basket

You burn your trash

Your kids drive the boat more than you

You snap over one hundred photos each day

You dine al fresco most meals

You are grateful for being alive and every breath you are given

Neosporin, Band-Aids, and anti-itch cream become your first aid kit

Everything around you is alive and never sleeps

Your kitchen is missing the sink

You stockpile gallons of hand sanitizer

You scream and screech at least once per day as you encounter a critter on the trail

You learn the big red itchy bumps you thought were mosquito bites are actually swimmer’s itch

You can sit still and do nothing and be okay

Your kids attend school at the picnic table

Your computer is your gateway to the world some days

Your favorite snacks are popcorn and s’mores

Your bike is replaced with a paddle boat

You look into the woods knowing many eyes are watching you

Your favorite meal consists of grilled corn on the cob, veggie burger, and salad

The melody of wind chimes soothes your soul

Your “home away from home” is the gym

There is always a rustling and crunching in the bushes no matter where you sit

Your house is a ten minute boat ride from your truck

You have the courage to live the life of your dreams

You are complete!

 

Who Are You Really?

Who Are You Really?

By Lisa R. Conner

It seems as though

Most think we enter this world

As a blank canvas,

Not a budding Thoreau.

That’s not entirely true.

As we grow and evolve

Our journey

Our path comes through.

Who are you really?

Have you considered who you might be?

The baby, the teen

The older person who has been.

When you think of You

Which one are You?

This is how life goes

 When you have a clue.

 

Croc Nappers

Are We Having Fun?

My five-year old daughter snapped this photo tonight after our impromptu dinner guest (hi Mark) left.  We had a wonderful and eventful day which is just winding down at 1:30a.m.  Earlier today we had a small earthquake which measured 5.2.  I was sitting in a very solid wooden chair, at the table, and it shook once then twice.  I told everyone, “hey we just had an earthquake.”  Of course nobody believed me, so we verified it on the aeic.com website.  Actually Alaska had almost eighty earthquakes today.  Unbelievable!

My husband almost had to rescue two dogs, this afternoon, swimming across the lake.  We watched the swimmers chase after their owners as they drove away in their boats.  We kept a close eye on them with the binoculars worried they might become tired and drown or get hit by a boat.  It took them about thirty minutes to swim all the way across the lake and back home.  My husband took the boat over to check on them and about that time the owners returned.  We later discovered these dogs have been taking long swims for the past three weeks.  These are the same dogs which stole my shoe from a friend’s deck yesterday.  I took my shoes off (like all polite Alaskans do) before entering my friend’s home, but when I returned there was just one lonely shoe.  So my friends (hi Debbie and Gretchen) and Casey headed to the neighbor’s house to find the suspected criminals.  Lo and behold my friends caught the shoe nappers with the evidence under the porch.  I have teeth marks in my rubber Crocs to remind me of the juvenile delinquents living nearby.  If they find our cabin this could be a big problem, since we leave our shoes and boots outside every night.

 

Whole Lotta Nature Going On

Moose Near Big Lake

Well, we are certainly not in charge of much here in the woods.  Mother Nature reigns supreme.  We left for a couple of days and when we returned Mama Bird and two of her eggs were gone without a trace.  I’m thinking a hawk or eagle may have swooped down and grabbed the eggs and scared away Mama (or even worse).  There wasn’t even a piece of shell or anything left in the nest as evidence of the tragedy.  Very strange and sad, because I looked forward to seeing three small beaks peeking out of the nest waiting for a meal.  Bummer!

I am happy to report that I have not seen spiders in the cabin since my husband sprayed around the outside of the building.  I have definitely learned to relax around here and having the spiders gone really reduces my stress level.  I know that sounds silly, but I was a little jumpy with spiders appearing around every corner.  Bedtime proved the most stressful, since I imagined bugs in my bed crawling on me as I slept.  Totally creepy!

My life feels very settled and calm overall (of course I have Mommy moments now and then, but those occur on or off the lake…) and my experience living here has surpassed my expectations.

Midnight Sunset at Starboard Cove

Nosy Neighbors

I’ve always worn makeup from a young age and now I find myself feeling so liberated going without it.  Actually I go “el natural” more than I wear makeup now and it’s okay.  My kids always tell me that I don’t look like Mom when I have makeup on and that surprises me.  In the past I felt more myself in makeup than not, but now my anxiety of being seen sans embellishment has vanished.  I do enjoy (and highly recommend) regular showers though just to feel alive and awake and socially acceptable.

Nature abounds everywhere and I’ve never felt more at home.  This is a significant revelation for me, since I wasn’t sure how quickly I would connect with the wild.  I’ve always loved trees, flowers, animals, and natural wonders, but my relationship now is very intimate.  Yes, it’s dirty (relatively speaking if you consider the mud stains, dirt and dust, and no water for conventional clean up) outside, but it’s also wild and natural and absolutely beautiful and so alive (everything is alive…I think the air we breathe might even be alive).

I love sharing photos (often more descriptive than words) of activities and nature all around the lake, so I hope you enjoy getting to know me and my community.  Starboard Cove is the private marina where we store our vehicles and dock our boat when we leave home.  This “staging” area is the gateway to the lake for us and access to our cabin (a few miles away).  Oh, and the chickens…just neighbors.

 

My Own Reality Show

Then The Rains Came...

Each time I look out the windows (there are eight windows in the cabin, so I have many opportunities) I feel as though I’m seeing the world from INSIDE a television.  Imagine me inside tapping (you know…helloooooooo, is anyone out there?) on the glass looking out at the world and the world watching from the outside.  Is it possible that my life has become a reality show on the Discovery Channel?  Okay, not the kind of reality show that might star Sarah Palin and not the kind where I must eat bugs to survive.  A true reality show based on real life!  It’s beginning to feel a lot like w-i-l-d-e-r-n-e-s-s.  Wouldn’t you enjoy living as a bug on the wall watching all of this unfold?  (I personally wouldn’t recommend being a bug in my home right now, because you might get smashed.)

Some people (hi Vivian) call me a modern-day Laura Ingalls Wilder, others have tagged us a new kind of Swiss Family Robinson (hi Kathy), but I say True Alaskan (a.k.a. crazy person, have you seen the boys in white lately?) is the most appropriate label.  Actually “Spider Wrangler” might be fitting.  I know I promised to stop counting spiders, which I have, but for crying out loud what’s up with the spider convention in my house?  I’ve killed several spiders just sitting at my desk today, I had one swinging from a web that hit me in the face when I walked out the front door, and there is an endless line of them squeezing through the cracks and every orifice in this building.  Get out, I say!  Maybe I’m living in a spider’s nest and the spiders are spinning webs all around us to keep us cozy and warm.  Are we in a cocoon or something?  I texted my husband earlier, “get spray the spiders are taking over,” and he probably fell out of his chair laughing at me and my hysterics.  Okay, in the spirit of “living in curiosity” I will research spiders and find happy and positive things to report.  Stay tuned…

Have you ever heard that if you ignore a dog or a cat, and let them approach you, they will be your best friend?  Well, I attract animals like a magnet.  I ignore them, but it’s not because I’m being nice.  I’m really ignoring them.  Soooo, I’ve been so diligent ignoring the spiders, loons, grebes, shrews, etc. that they are flocking to me as though I am Noah reincarnated.  I’m positive the animal kingdom sent out a memo announcing the only thing I shoot is a camera (or maybe the breeze on a good day).  Remember, I’m no Sarah Palin and the only thing I eat with eyes are potatoes.

On the lighter side though life here is fabulous and exciting and peaceful and interesting all wrapped up in a web like a beautiful gift with a bow.  The fresh air keeps my mind crisp and sharp, the beautiful scenery reminds me every day how blessed I am being alive, my kids keep me on my toes, my clients keep me sane, and the rain drops hitting the tin roof practically send me into a trance.  There are no dull moments, because even the “dull” moments are glorious.  I remind my kids often that attitude is everything in life and I’m living proof that you can choose your perspective of all experiences.  I live by the saying, “thoughts become things so choose the good ones.”  Amen Sister!

 

Life on Big Lake

A Growing Family

Life on the lake is becoming our new “normal” and we’re really getting settled.  Mama Bird has two more eggs and my husband has finally relinquished the idea of hanging our sun shower from HER roost. Hey showers are overrated anyway, right?  She does occupy prime real estate in the back with privacy and full sun. This bird obviously understands the ageless concept of location, location, location.

I’m feeling more rested and not requiring as much sleep as I needed when we initially arrived. We are establishing routines with sleeping, school, work, play, projects, showers, shopping, cooking, cleaning, etc. I’ve realized how little “stuff” you need to truly enjoy life. We have designated areas of the cabin which serve all essential purposes: office, bedroom, kitchen, dining area, living room, library, and foyer. Yes, all of these functions exist within the walls of a four hundred square foot structure. The family room in the outbuilding has become a crash pad for the kids during rainy days and the other side serves nicely as a storage/pantry area.  Yesterday it rained for the first time in almost two weeks and the kids spent some time in the family room watching a movie, playing video games, setting up Allyson’s doll house, and anything else they could find in there to occupy their time (and there is everything you can imagine in that room except for the kitchen sink). Despite the wet weather we took the kids tubing, we cooked s’mores around the fire, roof work continued, and the outdoor grill proved once again the most convenient kitchen appliance. When you live in Alaska you go about your day in rain or shine (or wind or snow or anything for that matter…unless your dream is to live as a hermit).

Mysterious Lake Creature (a.k.a. leach)

I found another spider indoors (I promise to stop counting), saw two more shrews, and the loons and grebes
must have announced to all of their friends that we are animal-friendly.  Aaron ran up the hill today and screamed hysterically about a new “creature” he caught in the lake (turns out it was a leach).  Of course, once he calmed down it went into a bucket for closer observation (you can use your imagination to figure out a seven-year old’s idea of “observation”).

Casey's Birdhouse (finished product)

 

Back on the Ponderosa

Heaven on Earth

I spent several hours outdoors yesterday in the beautiful weather and this was my view for most of the day.  My husband took the kids to visit a friend and I curled up in the swing next to the lake.  My intention was to read a book and enjoy my peace and quiet time, but I spent the entire time gazing at the water and daydreaming (and occasionally nodded off).  Wild horses could not have kept me away from this amazing place in time and space!  My family returned a few hours later ready to eat and stir up some fun (they were also ready for a good dose of sun screen in the seventy plus degree weather).

Today was an overcast day with a few sprinkles which proved to be a blessing, since we all had minor sunburns from the blazing sun the day before.  My husband spent the day finishing the roof on the family room, I spent the day indoors working with clients and organizing our space, and the kids explored everything that moved outside.

One of Aaron's "Pets"

I found another spider in the cabin and this time I calmly took care of business with one paper towel and no bottle of 409 (not even a scream).  We pulled out our bird book and settled the ongoing dispute of what kind of grebes are nesting out front, we verified Mama Bird now has three eggs in her nest (I think she might be deaf, because nothing seems to phase her…that’s it, she’s a Mom), saw a shrew run under the building (I’ve heard them chewing in the outhouse, but never actually seen one until now), and realized I have now been at the cabin for more consecutive days than any time in history.  Wow, I’m setting records and blazing new territory every single day.

Casey's Bird Habitat

 

Life is Glorious

Our Name Placard

I’m not sure what I have done to deserve such a wonderful week, but I’m grateful and I’m enjoying every moment.  So much happens in just one day and I’m excited to share some of it with you.

I spent about four hours today planting flowers and strawberries, hanging hand painted birdhouses, and strategically hiding our gnomes and other garden friends around the dock area.  If my dirty feet and aching back are any indication of a job well done then I’m satisfied.

Our Favorite Shoes

Mama Bird is still hanging out in the back even though my seven-year old son (Aaron) banged away with hammer and nails all day long.  The noise didn’t even phase her and he was a very happy camper building his first boat.  My five-year old daughter (Allyson) loves to take photos and she really helps me document our journey each day.  We watched a plane take off and land probably ten times and she was able to capture the moment.

Great Source of Entertainment

The sunsets are truly amazing and I take a moment to pause each night to watch the spectacle.  It reminds me of when we visited Maui about nine years ago.  It’s a local tradition for everyone to stop whatever they are doing and watch the lights go out.  Their sunsets are very quick in comparison and when the light goes out there it’s actually dark.  Not here.  We are currently getting eighteen hours and thirty-two minutes of daylight and still gaining around three and a half minutes per day.  My husband and I sat out by the dock last night/this morning watching four grebes interact (or mate, or fight, or whatever they were doing.)  I love to sit and watch the lake late at night and early in the morning, because it’s so flat and peaceful.  I still pinch myself each day and wonder if I’m going to wake up from this dream.  I’m exactly where I want to be at this moment in my life.  I know that some of you reading this blog might think my desire to have this experience is strange (or at least unconventional), but that’s the point of it all.  Me having the courage to be Me as you watch the entire process unfold.  Too much fun!

 

The Diva Has Left The Building

Okay, I am here to confess that perhaps I have had a little inner diva or so I’ve been told (hi Mike).  If there was truly an ounce of diva coursing through these veins I’m happy to say that it has vanished from my body (unless wearing makeup occasionally still qualifies me).  I can happily report that we’ve been here one week and I have relinquished a lot of fears and learned to relax a little (please remember I’m a work in progress).  I no longer fear that a bear will eat my young at any moment, I don’t completely (just partially) freak out when I see bugs, I am okay with not having a hot shower every single day (hey, I’m not the one who has to look at me…ha ha), I no longer worry about instant hypothermia if I fall in the lake (the water is getting warmer every single day), I no longer worry about reliable transportation (we have a boat that starts when you turn the key) and I have accepted the fact that life is much simpler living here (translation:  slow down and don’t get in a hurry).

The Family Wagster

Even so, I would like to know who sent the personal invitation to every spider in a five-mile radius to join our little party.  I have never seen so many spiders and webs.  Yikes!  I wipe webs away and by the end of the day they are back (determined little critters).  Yesterday I encountered two spiders in the cabin and that’s two more than I have ever seen inside (let’s just say there will be no more niceties exchanged).  What’s up with that?  I’m starting to think these free loaders cannot read the No Vacancy sign posted on the door.  Get out I say.  Last night I rested my head on the pillow and fretted that the spiders might have the same bedtime, but pure exhaustion overtook me so quickly I let it go and drifted off to sweeter dreams.

Mama Bird with a Watchful Eye

We are ready to hang the sun shower on the rack, but I’m hesitant to disrupt Mama Bird and her egg.  She sits up there all day waiting for Baby Bird to make his entrance into the world and I am very respectful of this miracle.  We are careful to help her feel secure, so she doesn’t abandon her post.

 

We’re Here!

The First Night

We finally made it out of the house Saturday, May 21, 2011.  Unbelievable!  It took almost two months to sort, pack, and move out of the huge house with all of that stuff.  All I know is that I’m so relieved to have completed that chapter and began a new one.

The past couple of days we have been shuffling between the cabin and the RV parked at the boat launch, driving to Anchorage and everywhere in between, and organizing the cabin and the outbuildings.  It will probably take us a few more days to really get everything moved in and set up the way we want, but it’s so much fun putting it all together.

We’ve seen a lot of nature in just a short time:  grebes, loons, ducks, woodpeckers, red breasted robins, cardinals, eagles, a muskrat, and fish jumping looking for their first meals above the ice.  Oh, did I mention the other “wildlife?”  That is, spiders (had a huge one crawl up my leg the first trip to the outhouse – yikes), mosquitoes (the size of small birds), butterflies, and all kinds of unidentified bugs, bugs, and more bugs.  We even found a bird’s nest with an egg in it perched above our sun shower area.  I have not witnessed nature this up close and personal in a very long time.  It’s such a calm and peaceful experience already and we’ve just begun.

New Resident

The kids spend their entire days digging in the dirt, riding in the paddle boat, trying to ride their bikes (yes, if you can imagine bikes on a gravel hill), playing in the man cave (or whatever you call it…still haven’t decided on the appropriate name yet…perhaps family room), hauling water in buckets to create mud slides, fishing (the only thing they catch is themselves), and absolutely anything else that grabs their attention.  All I know is the kids are always outdoors unless their growling tummies bring them inside for a quick meal.  I’m just so happy they are not watching tv (we don’t have tv service anyway) or playing video games (we will save those activities for rainy days which we get a lot of in Alaska).

We now have internet access which means I can talk to you all.  I’ve really missed posting entries to this blog over the past couple of weeks as we finished the move, since writing and sharing our experience brings me great pleasure.  Life is great!  I got a lot of sleep last night, a shower this morning, and now I’m spending an amazing day doing exactly what I want with the people I love the most.

 

The Mother of All Moves

My Sister Vickie and I (me on the left)

A sorting we will go…wondering where I have been?  In a cloud of dust from all the boxes, sorting through things from my mom, my husband’s mom, my grandparents, my childhood, my husband’s childhood, my childrens’ childhoods, okay you get the point.  This move will certainly be remembered as the Mother of All Moves!  I finally feel as though I am crawling out of the abyss of stuff and have found the floor in some rooms.  We have extended our stay one final time to May 17 to get out of here with our sanity intact (a matter of opinion).  We have been working from sun up to sun down (in Alaska that is all day) every day to get this house packed.  Much to my surprise this move has taken on a life all its own even though it is my fifty-sixth move.  Historically I have moved boxes to the next house even if I had not opened and organized them, so physically touching each and every item has proven extremely time-consuming.

When we started this process I had approximately three thousand five hundred books in this house (my rehabilitation led me to the Nook Color), hundreds of beanie babies (what was I thinking in the early 90s), tens of thousands of photos (including the infamous “black suitcase” which has traveled through our family since the 1940s),  enough office and school supplies for a few years, enough baskets and gift wrapping supplies (including gifts still in the boxes) to open a gift basket business, enough clothes to outfit a family of twenty (how many outfits can you possibly wear in a day or before you grow out of them), enough papers to sink a ship (the recycle bin has been full to the brim), and over forty houseplants.  I am happy to report that I kept fewer books than I donated (I think the local bookstore may have doubled in size in the past few weeks); gave away all but a couple of houseplants; and happily shared bags and boxes and truckloads full of toys, clothes, stuffed animals, household items, dishes, furniture, appliances, computers, etc.  I jokingly tell my friends that I have a “no return” policy on everything I share with them (thanks Chris, Sina, Rachel, Kay, Carl), so I hope we are still friends.

The "Black Suitcase"

At one point I felt as though I had entered some kind of weird time warp and my head had spun out of control with a lifetime of memories.  The “movie” played out in my brain, but  in a very disjointed and haphazard fashion as I compiled all of our family photos and keepsakes (which represented several generations spanning over one hundred years all over the country) in one area.  I’m so happy that we have completed all the sorting and now it’s just a matter of wrapping, packing, and storing.  I can actually see the light at the end of the tunnel now and it feels great.

Look What Made The Cut

We found evidence of many different types of media available during our lifetime:  Disc camera, 35mm, digital, slides, 8mm movies, 110, Polaroid, video cassettes, dvds, cds, and microcassettes.  We found baby shoes, baby outfits, wedding dresses, wedding rings, old coins, old dolls, greeting cards (some that never made it to the mail box), my mom’s spoon collection (hundreds of spoons collected over sixty-seven years), letters, legal documents (including funeral announcements, birth announcements, marriage certificates, birth certificates, death certificates, wills, divorce decrees), medical and dental records, x-rays (why do people keep these things, don’t the doctors have this stuff on file), footprints, hospital armbands, my Brownie dress and my husband’s Cub Scout shirt.

Brownie Dress and Childhood Books

I have learned patience as I dilligently review the contents of each and every box, because I am always rewarded with a special keepsake. Some of the really special items we found were my mom’s genealogy (I couldn’t even remember my great grandparents’ names), photos from the 1920s and 1930s, my mother-in-law’s wedding dress (which I actually retrieved from the garbage after we found her wedding photos and realized the error), old love letters (which will remain anonymous to protect the innocent), old coins, old books from the late 1800s and early 1900s, and old address books belonging to my mom and my mother-in-law (which really helps put the puzzle together.

Our decision to simplify our life has been completely validated as a result of this entire process.  I think I will experience the effects of the stuff “hangover” for a very long time and I’m thrilled to know that I will have far less stuff to clutter my space and mind and far more time to enjoy life.

 

Guys in Leather Pants

Travel Companions

I have been thinking a lot (big surprise, huh?) about how we might occupy our time during the “shoulder seasons.”  That is, the few weeks in spring and fall when the only access to the cabin is a hike through the woods (okay, I must admit I have not walked in yet…baby steps I say).

I was wandering through the garage (which I think might be some kind of time capsule) the other day and found more evidence of my youth (duffle bag, backpack, and Let’s Go travel guide).  These items were my travel companions as I explored Europe during college.  I love to travel and I’m so grateful for the opportunity I had to discover and explore Europe for two consecutive summers.  The first year I traveled with a group of German exchange students (I was the only participant from the English Department and did not know the language) and the second time I went with a friend splitting our time between guided motor coach and B & B do-it-yourself tours.  I enjoyed the freedom of the first trip a lot more and believe I captured the true essence of German culture.

This trip completely changed my life in a very positive way, because I stretched beyond my comfort zone of my west Texas college dorm.  It was the late 1980’s and we traveled from a conservative bible belt culture to a very uninhibited and progressive student culture (a completely different universe geographically and socially).  I remember being completely fascinated meeting new people and submersing myself in their world.  My first day in Oldenburg I found myself seated around a bonfire, drinking dark beer, and eating bratwurst (pre-vegetarian days) cooked over an open flame.  I wondered to myself how my new friends got any studying done with all of these distractions (yes, I was/am a bit uptight…working on that).  The biggest distraction in my life at that time was watching Dallas on Friday night (ho hum, I know…boring).

Most of my German student counterparts were a few years my senior, so I’m sure the age difference played a role in my infatuation.  They all seemed so mature (if you count drinking and smoking as grown up activities) in comparison.  I knew right away that hanging with the twenty somethings might be a learning experience on an entirely different level.

I had the great pleasure of staying with a student (and her beau Henning) and her parents (who did not speak English at all) on a farm outside Oldenburg.  I bunked with Anke and Henning in her parent’s old farmhouse which proved similar to living in rural Alaska.  They lived a very simple life with an emphasis on good friends and good times (something I really admire in people).  We lived very different lives and my American ritual of long hot showers became a distant memory very quickly.  My newly adopted ritual included waking up twenty minutes early, running down the dark hallway freezing, and pushing the button on the five gallon water heater.  I’d promptly return to my room and snuggle under the covers until the water was nice and hot.  I learned very quickly how to conserve water by turning it off in between rinses (hey, sounds like the cabin) and move my hands very fast to lather another body part.  I think the violent shivering and chattering of my teeth generated enough body heat to get me through the shower and comfortably back to my room.

My new friends were gracious hosts and always had freshly brewed coffee (a.k.a. motor oil) and fresh bread from the local bakery.  I learned to drink coffee, at least temporarily, just to stay warm and get the blood pumping.  I fondly remember riding a bike into town, every couple of days, to visit the bakeries and cheese shops (Costco-style shopping was not a part of this culture).

One of the most exhilarating day trips was taking a ride on the autobahn.  Yes, traveling at speeds in excess of 100 mph was fun, but the real excitement was the boys in leather.  Somehow I ended up in a car (a Mercedes no less) with two guys in leather pants.  (What is it about guys in leather pants?  Okay, I’m having a Rod Stewart moment…)  Imagine all the elements of the perfect “bad boy” crush:  an older guy (yes, he did have his girlfriend with him, but I can always dream, right?) in leather pants (okay, I think I’ve made that point), long hair, smoking cigarettes, driving a fast car, in a foreign country, heavy accent…need I say more?  It was such a fun day that I don’t even recall our destination (talk about distractions).

After we fulfilled our academic commitment a girlfriend and I purchased a student rail card and took off to visit several neighboring countries.  Our friends pre-arranged sleeping accommodations for us on the floors (yes, it was definitely the floor if your mind has gotten off track) of friends and family.  My travel buddy, Amanda, and I would spend the day roaming through festivals, making new friends in the beer gardens (such a cool concept), listening to live music, climbing hundreds of stairs in famous cathedrals and castles, and learning what old really means (old is such a relative term when you consider how young America is).  We went clubbing (remember I’m a pop diva from way back) until the sun came up then visited a local fish market in Hamburg (note to self:  stinky fish, pounding head, and churning stomach do not mix well), discovered a different kind of pharmacy (window shopping only, my friend) in Amsterdam, enjoyed a guided tour by punk rockers (it was the eighties you know) in Munich, and learned to eat French fries (pommes frits) with mayo at the local McDonald’s (we could not resist the temptation).  In Europe I attended my first professional ballet, my first wine tasting at a local winery, and discovered that cold tomato soup (gazpacho) is delicious.

McDonald's Golden Arches (me on the left)

My most impressionable moment was the day I took a walk on the dark side in East Berlin.  I felt completely vulnerable walking down the streets lined with armed guards.  I wanted to cry and run back to the gate as soon as I was given clearance, but I instinctively knew this was an experience I needed to absorb, so I gathered the courage to continue the journey. It felt so eerie to have people staring at you as though you were a circus act or under a microscope.  As I entered the checkpoint to leave I felt great sadness for the people I left behind and deeply wished I could take them home with me.  I also realized at that very moment how proud and grateful I am being American.  You don’t know freedom until you have something to compare it to and East Berlin was the perfect contrast.

I sit here today and treasure my memories of these journeys and contemplate their significance.  What I love most about that time in my life is the way traveling made me feel about myself.  I was more relaxed and enjoyed the simple things in life, I felt so alive in my own skin, I had the courage to try new things and reach beyond my comfort zone, and my eyes were wide open to new perspectives and different ways of living.  My dream now is to rediscover this amazing experience and share it with my own family (do you think a pair of leather pants is in my husband’s future?).

Has your life been positively affected by traveling or experiencing another culture?  What did you learn about yourself by traveling outside your comfort zone?

 

I Miss You Daddy

Twenty-Eight Year Old Ski Boots

I stumbled across my first and only pair of downhill ski boots (a gift from my grandfather) today in the garage.  I’ve been moving these boots around with me since I was sixteen years old and have no idea why we are still together.  I took a photo of the boots hoping that I will be able to part with them knowing that I have my memories and a digital photo on my computer.  I’ll see if I have the courage to send them to their final resting place.  Wish me luck!

My grandfather (whom I affectionately called Daddy) has been on my mind a lot the past couple days and I’m finding all kinds of reminders of him around the house.  It seems as though he wants me to remember where my sense of adventure originated.  My grandfather was a lot of things to a lot of people:  father, grandfather, great-grandfather,  husband over fifty years, Alaska Senator, author, friend, brother, bush pilot, hunting guide, homesteader, and much more.  To me he was Daddy.  I had the great pleasure and honor (okay, that’s probably stretching it a bit from a teenager’s perspective) of spending a very impressionable time of my life with he and my grandmother from the age of twelve until I entered college when I was sixteen years old. 

In 1983 my grandfather spent Christmas in the hospital recovering from heart surgery.  I had learned to ski a couple of years prior and he knew how much I dreamed of owning my own skis.  We just didn’t have that kind of money though.  My grandmother worked in the home, my grandfather relied on a very modest income from the state (he obviously served his constituents out of love for the job and not the income), and I worked part-time to cover my extras.  So, when my grandfather presented me with a tiny pewter box at the hospital you can imagine how shocked I was to find out what this gift represented.  The box was oval-shaped and had a downhill skier engraved on the front with two pine cones (which were actually earrings).  Hiding inside the box was a necklace with a pewter pine cone pendant (hey, what do you expect it was the eighties).   He wrote (in his famous chicken scratch penmanship) me a note that promised we would make the skis “to size” when we arrived in Juneau.  I was the happiest kid alive!  To this day this was the most amazing and memorable gift I have ever received.    

I found it -- the pewter jewelry box

My Grandfather's Book

I get a little choked up when I think of separating from these boots.  Perhaps it’s because I’m reminded of my grandfather and his generosity, or because I only have a few treasures to remember him by, or possibly the boots represent a bright light in my childhood that was often filled with uncertainty.  When I remember how significant this beautiful gift was, to a young lady, I realize how much I miss my grandfather and how much fun it would be sharing my life with him now.  I know he would absolutely get a kick out of my new adventure, because he NEVER played it safe (talk about courage).  He lived his life on his own terms (mostly to the chagrin of my beloved grandmother) and truly did it his way.  My grandfather loved to share tales of his youth for hours on end and I often nodded off in the middle of a long-winded story.  A lot of time has passed, since I had the pleasure of hearing his words, and now my brain struggles to fill in all the blanks.  My saving grace is the book he wrote and I will hold that closely to my heart and share his memory and life with my own children.  I miss you Daddy.

Senator Moss

 

My Inspiration Machine

It’s been a couple of weeks (longest break I’ve taken since I began in October) since I went to the gym, but today I realized how much I miss going and jumped back in.  I walked into the gym and a familiar smiling face greeted me at the front desk (felt just like home), I filled my regular locker #99, cranked my iPod to its maximum volume (yes, I’m a pop diva from way back), and stepped right up to the magical machine.  Oh, how I missed my dear friend the elliptical.  Even though I have been getting a lot of physical exercise packing and cleaning it’s just not the same as hanging with my good buddy (I mean really, I can only derive so much inspiration from a cardboard box). 

My Inspiration Machine

I became overwhelmed with emotion about ten minutes into my workout today.  I thought to myself, hmmm I wonder if I’m cracking up, or maybe I’m having a midlife crisis moment (even though I’m far from midlife – in my opinion) or perhaps a dose of endorphins hit my veins all at once or could it merely be that I carved out a break from my kids?  Bingo!  Well, whatever it was it was an incredible moment and one that I have come to expect when I do my cardio workout.  I hold my very best brainstorming sessions (with myself, of course) and experience beautiful moments of clarity working on this machine.  As I’m pedaling my feet and loving life I scan the room and wonder if I’m the lucky one or is everyone having a similar moment of sheer joy.  My mind only drifts for a brief moment and I reenter the zone.  I am so creative and at peace when I’m on this machine.  I know this all might sound a little crazy…a piece of exercise equipment cleverly disguised as a source of inspiration…but it’s true.  Before you call the “boys in white” (a phrase my great-uncle from Tennessee used) allow me to explain.  This phenomenon is quite similar to meditation.  We all practice different forms of meditation:  sitting, walking, reading, writing, daydreaming, and now there’s pedaling.  Eureka!  Okay, now call the boys.

In contrast, my workouts with weights keep my mind very focused on the task right in front of me as I remain securely in the Now and Present Moment (good thing, because I might drop something heavy on my foot and that would certainly jerk me right out of the zone).  I always feel a great sense of accomplishment when using weights, because my workout routine (thank you Sheila) is such a challenge for me.  It’s all very mental to me as I prove to myself that I CAN do anything I desire.  Yep, it’s mental all right (or maybe I’m just mental). 

My workout bag says it all, "Life is Good"

Well, here I go again waxing philosophic (I just love that term) and you’re probably scratching your head wondering if I have bumped mine.  I might be reading too much into the workout thing (just ask my husband), but it’s who I am and that’s how I roll.  I enjoy sharing my personal experience as I travel closer to the center of Me and Who I Am reveals itself (hence the title of this blog, The Courage to Be Me).

 

 

Junior Entrepreneur

My eleven year old is such a little business man.  The title on his business card reads “Junior Entrepreneur” which perfectly suits him.  He makes his money by mowing lawns, selling homemade wares at the Saturday Market, watching homes for out-of-town neighbors, and removing snow from driveways.  I remind him that when we move to the cabin he will need to find a new line of work, since he will be unable to perform most of these tasks.  He saves all his money for cell phones and accessories and remote-controlled airplanes.  He definitely has an aptitude for cell phone equipment and applications and r/c airplanes for that matter (is there a promising career in r/c planes?).  So much so, that he is on a first-name basis with our local provider.  Too much fun!  The customer service staff often joke with him and say he could easily work alongside them (of course they would break a few child labor laws, but it’s all in good humor).  When he goes into the office they actually ask him questions.  I just stand back and watch in amazement as he shares his depth of knowledge about cell phones and how they function.

You might be wondering why an eleven year old is working (trust me, it’s not full-time).  I told him over the years that when he turned eleven he would need to get a job to pay for extras.  Of course, I wouldn’t expect him to do anything I didn’t do as a child.  I became a babysitter at age eleven and have worked ever since.  I cannot imagine him babysitting though.  Yikes, that’s a scary thought! (What were those parents thinking when they hired me?)

He recently learned a very valuable lesson about business when a customer did not pay him what he expected for a job.  He (and I for that matter) realizes that it’s good practice to get customer expectations in writing – up front. It was devastating to him when our neighbor paid him $300 less (than his calculations) for a job he performed over the span of five months.  It broke my heart, because he had written in his journal and told all his friends how he was going to spend the money (on three r/c boats).  One for him, one for his dad, and one for his brother.  (Not sure why my daughter and I were left out, but I digress.) 

Well, he is resilient and very creative.  He has been brainstorming ideas on how to make a little cash (of course he wants to sell everything not nailed down) now and after we get to the cabin.  Today he decided that washing bikes might be a lucrative venture.  Here is the sign he created to solicit neighborhood kids (no bites today, but there is always tomorrow).

Bike Wash Venture

Homemade Birdhouse (rustic version)

 

Some of his other ideas include:  homemade birdhouses (like the one pictured here), bike repairs, and writing a blog (yes, I confess…that’s my idea).

 

Man Cave

Taxes are done (thank you Rachel) and now I can focus on our new adventure…

View of cabin from the lake

View of lake from the cabin

 

The time has come to wait for the ice to go out.  We’re expecting fifty degree weather, so the ice will begin its rapid decline.  My husband made his last trip by truck today on the ice road (well, what’s left of it anyway).  He made a final load of lots of goodies and carpet for the classroom.  Oh by the way, the boys in my family (husband and two sons) have renamed the classroom their “man cave.”  They have all these grandiose ideas of how to use the space:  tv, video games, card games with the guys, no girls allowed kind of place, etc. Well, we will see about that.  I guess the up side to their plan is the cabin will be the girls’ domain and it’s much bigger.  Yep, that’s right.  I can see the sign now on the outside of the classroom, No Girls Allowed or Enter at Your Own Risk.  Oh brother.

We discussed how to make the cabin more of a home and the boys came up with some pretty crazy ideas in my book.  Here are a few of their recommendations:  let’s store some things outside covered with tarp, or let’s use a clothesline to dry our clothes (after washing them at the laundromat a five-mile boat ride plus a two-mile truck ride away), and the best one is let’s filter water from the lake to use for outdoor showers (I do take outdoor showers, with good water, in my swimsuit).  Okay people, we have lost our marbles.  Number one, if you think I’m going to allow tarp anywhere you are nuts.  Number two, I will happily go to the laundromat to wash AND dry my clothes (thank you very much), and I draw the line with “roughing it” with filtered lake water.  Yuck!!!  I don’t do tarp (okay, I think I’ve made that point), I grew up hanging clothes on the line and the towels practically scratched my face because they were so rough and stiff, and I’m not taking any chances with beaver fever (ingesting contaminated water).  I think my husband is losing it (probably due to lack of sleep).  Ha ha.

Well anyway, he accomplished a huge task of getting the classroom (a.k.a. man cave), ready for us to occupy.  The roof is on, the wiring is almost done, the door and window installed, and the carpet is ready to go down (thank you Ron).  I have sent to the cabin every possible book, school supply, kitchen utensil and appliance, dvd, board game, arts and crafts project, etc. to make our time very enjoyable (especially if we have a rainy summer like last year).  We have two more weeks in the house and a lot more stuff to sell and pack and store.  Are you ready for this?  We will stay in our RV during the transition between the house and cabin as we patiently wait for the lake to open for boating.  I know what you are wondering.  Have you completely lost your mind?  Well, no.  Everything is all relative, my friend.  The motor home is approximately thirty-three feet long, luxuriously (okay, I might be exaggerating a smidge here) appointed with a master bedroom, full bathroom, kitchen, and two tvs.  It has indoor plumbing for Pete’s sake!  That’s right.  We will be living like kings for a couple of weeks.  (Hey, I can see the good in everything.)

Classroom on the right

Looks as though one of my first projects will be painting our classroom and removing the old play set, but for now everything is still frozen to the ground.

 

Losing the Baggage

I believe everything happens for a reason and there are no accidents or coincidences.  I also believe that everything changes and change is always for the better and never for the worse.  I believe life IS change and without change life would cease to exist.  That’s because I believe that we adapt and evolve throughout our lives and that is exactly what change is.  The trick is embracing change by understanding its purpose. (Thank you Neale for helping me “remember” this.)

My world is changing rapidly and significantly right before my eyes, but I have created this new world by my own design.  I have wanted to experience life in a much different way for a very long time.  I’ve yearned for a simpler life filled with peace, harmony, love, and well-being.  Life changes for all of us, more for some and less for others.  This move will be the fifty-sixth for me (at least that I can remember), but it feels like the first in many ways.  I’m experiencing a huge shift in my awareness of my priorities and as each day passes and we approach the end of April I feel so calm about the entire process. 

We’ve been selling and donating personal belongings and furniture in our house and it feels so liberating, so freeing, and uplifting.  In the past when we moved I held stuff so closely not wanting to part with anything.  This time is very different in that I want to release absolutely everything that is not essential to my family’s survival and enjoyment.  Four hundred square feet of living space helps you prioritize very quickly.  Of course, we will keep some things in storage that we are not ready to let go yet.  A few personal mementos of my mom and my husband’s mom will continue to have a place in our lives for now.  Photos and some of the kids’ special things will also make the cut. 

This move (or change as it is) feels so different from the previous ones and the sense of calm that has washed over me is almost foreign.  I have moved past the grieving point of missing my old life and I’m now at the threshold of proudly welcoming my new life.  As each item leaves our house I feel a weight being lifted and I know by the time we are ready to roll down the driveway for the last time I will feel as light as a feather.  Talk about losing the baggage!

 

My Alaska Man

The same things that make me crazy are the same things that I love the most about my husband.  I know that sounds like a contradiction, but it makes sense to me.  We’ve been married twenty years this November and we’ve experienced great joy and challenges over the years.  He told me the other day that a lot of life happens with me and there is never a dull moment.  I’m going to take that as a compliment. 

We are very different in a lot of ways, but when the rubber meets the road we are on the same page.  We both agreed it was time to make major changes in our life, we both agreed that our children will benefit immensely by having more Mommy time, and we agreed that living without indoor plumbing might be one of our biggest adventures yet.  Ha Ha.  It’s really not that big of a deal to me, since I grew up in several places that had no indoor plumbing or at least it was marginal at best.  I just say, “we’ll improvise.”

My husband is the quintessential Alaska man.  That is, he wears blue jeans and t-shirts and the occasional insulated flannel and has a huge collection of caps (great for those days when you don’t have a shower handy).  I stopped buying him “nice” clothes years ago, because they just hang in the closet with the tags still attached.  He has worn a tie twice since we met:  at our wedding and one other time when he borrowed one from a friend (the friend also had to tie it, because I am clueless).  He is a crazy snowmachine rider (broke his back last spring and was riding this winter), a hard worker (well okay, I have to say that in case his boss reads this…Hi Carl) with the same employer for over sixteen years, and just an all around nice guy (the life of the party if we ever have a party).  Oh yeah, he also drinks beer.  He has graduated from Budweiser to Rolling Rock, so there is still hope.  We have different parenting styles, different communication styles (he will freak out when he sees this is for public consumption), and very different eating habits (I’m vegetarian and he is a meat and potatoes guy).  He makes me crazy when he doesn’t remember the fifty things I asked him to do, when he feeds the kids Captain Crunch for breakfast, and the way he falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow (I call it the baby doll effect:  lean back, eyes close, game over).  His snoring keeps me awake, he is a neat freak (I’m just a freak), and he puts the knives in the dishwasher with the blades pointing up.  That really drives me crazy.  But, for all the little idiosyncrasies we remain together and in love (right honey?). 

I know he would run into a burning building for us and do absolutely anything to protect us.  What I have really learned though is that he listens.  He doesn’t seem to be listening, because he’s so fidgety and if you sit down with him and talk he practically falls asleep.  Case in point…I mentioned to him how important it is for the classroom to be ready when we get to the cabin.  That way we can stay on our school schedule and get organized more quickly.  The thought of him building the room while all of the stuff is in the middle of the cabin was causing me a lot of anxiety.  Yikes, we only have four hundred square feet.  Come on people!  I am human after all.  So, for the past three days (his days off by the way) he has driven over fifty miles each way and battled the snow, wind, and rain to get our room ready.  He was determined to get the roof on today although it was snowing sideways and he was freezing and all alone.  He did it though.  What’s so funny about all of this is that I knew he would.  He has been grumbling about me expecting the impossible, but I knew he was capable.  And he is. 

Photo:  Is that the cutest classroom you’ve ever seen?  My husband finished the roof today on the new addition on the right.  If I’m really nice maybe he will build a storage shed and we’ll get both sides.

 

Cat’s in The Cradle and The Silver Spoon

Each time I hear this song I cry and my heart aches.  One of my biggest fears as a mother is looking back on my life and thinking, “coulda, shoulda, woulda.”  

Cat’s In The Cradle lyrics:

My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talkin’ ‘fore I knew it, and as he grew
He’d say “I’m gonna be like you dad
You know I’m gonna be like you”

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin’ home dad?
I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then son
You know we’ll have a good time then

My son turned ten just the other day
He said, “Thanks for the ball, Dad, come on let’s play
Can you teach me to throw”, I said “Not today
I got a lot to do”, he said, “That’s ok”
And he walked away but his smile never dimmed
And said, “I’m gonna be like him, yeah
You know I’m gonna be like him”

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin’ home son?
I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then son
You know we’ll have a good time then

Well, he came home from college just the other day
So much like a man I just had to say
“Son, I’m proud of you, can you sit for a while?”
He shook his head and said with a smile
“What I’d really like, Dad, is to borrow the car keys
See you later, can I have them please?”

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin’ home son?
I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then son
You know we’ll have a good time then

I’ve long since retired, my son’s moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, “I’d like to see you if you don’t mind”
He said, “I’d love to, Dad, if I can find the time
You see my new job’s a hassle and kids have the flu
But it’s sure nice talking to you, Dad
It’s been sure nice talking to you”

And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me
He’d grown up just like me
My boy was just like me

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin’ home son?
I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then son
You know we’ll have a good time then 

I was talking to a friend (thank you Jackie) on the phone last night and realized how fortunate I am to have realized all of this now instead of after the kids are grown.  I’m so grateful for the opportunity we have been given to live a simpler life which equals more quality family time.  I feel as though I have won the lottery!  I’m really looking forward to board games, exploring the woods (with bear mace in our pocket), coloring in coloring books, playing Barbies, fishing and swimming (or at least watching the kids swim…I like pools, thank you) in the lake, planting flowers, relaxing in the swing while eating peanuts and throwing the shells into the water (something I loved to do when I was pregnant with two of my kids), listening to the loons (I’m referring to the birds), skipping rocks, taking the kids out in the paddle boat, late night bonfires with sticky s’mores, painting birdhouses, and so much more.  And of course, spending hours dreaming up ways to have fun with Buddy.  Who knows, I might even learn to relax!

 

Winter is Not Saying Goodbye

We had a snowstorm yesterday and today we awoke to the howling wind.  My husband and a friend (thanks Stewart) were able to get the classroom almost done…everything except the roof.  The room is basically the other half of a building that we built a couple years ago.  Later this summer we plan on constructing an outbuilding for storage and opening the classroom to the other side to double the space.  The weather is prohibiting the roof going on today, so we’ll have to wait and see if that gets done while we still have road access. 

Photo left:  We got about four inches of snow last night, but you can see the progress of the classroom.

Photo above:  Entering the lake today with whiteout conditions.  Mother Nature is just throwing everything she has our way. 

Photo:  This is the highway headed to Anchorage this morning.  Whiteout conditions here too.  When you live in Alaska you cannot let the weather change your plans too much, because you’d never leave your house.  The weather is just a part of the Alaska experience which makes you tough.

 

Spring Snowstorm

Photo:  A spring snowstorm blew in this morning and made everything look like a milk bottle.  This is the road as you enter onto the lake. 

Photo:  My husband braved the weather today and was able to get most of the framing done for the classroom (thank you Ken).  It’s a 12′ x 12′ space which I’m so grateful to have.

Photo:  The ice road across the lake is almost unrecognizable now that it’s turned to slush.  6-8 inches of water (overflow) floats on top of the ice now.  We should have a few more days to get things done before it’s time to stay off the lake.

Today I made progress by gathering things we’ll need for summer.  We made our annual trek to the mill and feed store to get Crocs and flip flops for everyone (thank you Kelly).  We also procured a few lake essentials:  rain boots for puddle jumping, sunscreen for those scorching hot summer days (yeah, right), and water shoes to keep the leeches off our feet and protect our tender toes.  

Another big accomplishment was getting connected to the outside world today.  We now have our land line working and internet connection (thank you Tasha).  No tv service though…bummer.  Actually I love the idea, but my husband may have withdrawals.  We mostly use our cell phones there, but the service is not reliable.  It’s nice to have the permanent line for emergencies and of course those long-winded conversations with my sister.  Perhaps we will try the webcam and Skype this summer to keep in touch with family and friends.  Last but not least, we officially appointed a mascot (thank you LA) for our new adventure.  Buddy the Bear.  You will see a lot of Buddy this summer, so stay tuned…

 

Full Circle

Some of you might be reading this and scratching your head wondering what in the world is she doing?  Well, I’m making this move deliberately and consciously with the full support of my husband and children.  Honestly, we are all excited about the adventure that lies ahead and for the kids each day will be like an extended summer vacation.  We have not stamped an expiration date on this journey, so we might still be on this path by winter or we may have found a new zip code.  In my mind whatever happens is part of the bigger plan called Life and I’m grateful for the opportunity to discover what makes me tick.  I’m very proud to have mustered the courage to be Me and all that entails (thank you Kelly B).

When I awoke this morning I kept thinking “full circle” and wondered why this concept was so important.  Tonight I was studying with my oldest son and suddenly realized the significance of this thought.  I truly had an epiphany!  (Don’t you just love that word?  It’s so much fun.)  You know…a light bulb moment.  I finally understood why I had been pushing away the very idea of a simpler life, because in the past simple equalled failure in my brain.  For years I thought the chaos of work and hectic schedules and accumulating stuff meant I was a success.  I actually believed this insanity!  I also tried really hard to conform to society’s definition of success and normal.  I was never at peace or happy with myself in this state and now I know why.  Crazy Land is not where I want to reside.  Please understand that I absolutely love my work, but will be conducting business a little differently.  Helping others and inspiring people to help themselves is in my DNA (thank you Troy) and I wouldn’t abandon that part of my life for anything.  That is my purpose on Earth.  I have learned what’s most important to me and that is being present NOW for myself, my family, and everyone that I encounter.  Life is what me make of every moment.  Now I measure success by the amount of joy that I’m experiencing.  I certainly cannot put a price tag on that.

Most people who know me are not aware that I grew up very modestly.  Literal translation:  dirt poor.  I programmed my brain to accept a distorted reality of believing the further and faster I ran from anything that resembled my childhood the better.  I figured if I lived a life that looked completely different from the way I grew up I was successful.  This was actually my measuring stick.  That’s because I believed that being poor meant failure or at a minimum lack of success.  My personal concept of success now has nothing to do with my net worth.  It has everything to do with my self-worth though.  I’ve come completely full circle and back to where I began as a child.  A simple life!  However you want to dissect it I have realized that being Me is about living my life on purpose with passion.  I almost feel like saying, “Hello You, where have you been?  Or what took you so long?  Or, duh!”

 

My New Life Begins Now!

My new life begins now!  (Technically, it will begin on April 30, 2011 when we transition out of our current house.)  I have decided to move from a lifestyle of stuff, accumulation, and hectic schedules (that is, the 3098 square foot home w/five bedrooms, two and a half bathrooms, living room, kitchen, dining room, two family rooms, and a pantry the size of a walk-in closet…) to a modest cabin nestled amongst the birch, on an acre, with a mesmerizing view of the lake.  My new life will be snuggled within four walls measuring a spacious 400 square feet plus an arctic entry.  No garage needed here, because there is no road access.  The five bedrooms have become a cozy corner of the room, the bathroom is now outdoors, and the kitchen is complete except for the sink.  I know what you might be thinking.  Oh my gosh, no indoor plumbing?  Not to worry because we have all of the other creature comforts of home including electricity, heat, phone, and internet.  See there, it’s not really “roughing” it as some of you may have been thinking. 

Let’s take a step back in history for a moment, so I can share a bit of the backstory…Around 1998 my husband and I began dreaming of our own place on the lake and would cruise the shoreline, each summer by boat and each winter by snowmachine, hoping to find the perfect spot to call our own.  In May 2002 that dream came true when I called on a property that had been taken off the market.  As soon as I learned the owner might still be willing to sell the property my husband and I drove sixty-five miles then took a boat five miles across the lake to find the lot.  At that time there was an old cabin from the 1950’s right on the shoreline and an outhouse perched on the hill behind it.  The rest of the lot was grown over with trees and brush and most of the usable land was next to the water.  The cabin was a complete tear down, but it was the perfect place for us and we fell in love with it immediately.  I couldn’t wait to write up the offer and have it presented to the seller.  We struck a deal and in June 2002 we were the proud new owners of a slice of heaven on Earth.  (Well, that’s how much it meant to us.  You know everything in life is all relative.)      

Our first child was two years old at the time and we thought our family would always consist of the trio.  So my husband began clearing the trees, knocking down the biggest hill with heavy equipment, and preparing the land for a small cabin fit perfectly for a family of three.  Our gracious neighbors owned a big yellow barge and were very helpful in the transport of building materials to the property.  This barge was large enough to carry everything we needed to build a cabin including the heavy equipment to move earth.  My husband was determined to have the cabin framed in by the time snow started to fall in October, so we would have a place to visit by winter.  This was his first construction project and his cousin (thank you Mark) was able to help him with the heavy lifting:  framing, trusses, and the roof.  Other than that he pretty much built the entire structure himself.  I was very impressed to say the least.  He and his cousin always laughed at my design and called the cabin a box with windows.  (Imagine a 400 square foot cabin with five windows…yep, that’s right.  I like light.)  The property has gorgeous birch trees (what’s left any way…my husband acts like he was Paul Bunyan in a former life) surrounding it and they make me so happy.  My idea for five windows stemmed from the desire to always see birch from every window of the cabin.  My wish was his command.  That’s what the cabin is to this day…a box with windows set back about fifty feet from the lake. 

We have less than two hundred feet of lakefront which gives us an awesome view and a lot of room to play.  The rippling waves lapping against the shore completely transfix me for moments at a time.  The lake is completely magical to me.  Add the eerie calls of the loons early in the morning, the breathtaking sunsets, and the prancing Northern Lights and you have all the ingredients for a perfect place to call home.   

The first photo is the lot when it was cleared before the new cabin was built.  The second photo is both cabins before the old cabin was removed.